A Guide to the Funny Mayan Calendar and the New Names and Meanings of the Twenty Nahuales

The Funny Mayan Calendar

The Funny Mayan Calendar was discovered by Shay Addams on December 21, 2013, when he discovered the Lost City of the Mojito Indians, who still dwell in the rainforests of Whatamala, the newest little country in Central America.

This mysterious cult has changed the names and meanings of the 20 nahuales and revealed them to Addams so he could share the Funny Mayan Calendar with the outside world. The new names and meanings are being published on this site as they are translated from the ancient Mojito language. (Nahual names are in Yucatecan Maya.)

Imix: The Nahual Called Crocodile

The original Mayan Calendar says this nahual means Crocodile. But the Funny Mayan Calendar has reinterpreted it to mean “Crocodile Dundee.”

Based on this new name and interpretation of the Mojito Indians, a Crocodile Dundee day is a good time to move to Los Angeles, carry a really big knife and say “G’day mate!” to everyone you meet.

Ik: The Nahual Called Wind

Wind was the meaning of this nahual in the original Mayan Calendar. But the Mojito Indians now refer to it as “Wendy’s.”

Wendy’s is a good day to stuff your face with fast food at the nearest burger joint. So eat lots of fatty, artery-clotting foods and wash it down with a thick chocolate milkshake today, and your life will blossom like a lotus. If you don’t have a heart attack.

Akabal: The Nahual Called Night

In the Mayan Calendar, the interpretation of this nahual is Dawn. But the Funny Mayan Calendar has changed it to “Dawn Go Away I’m No Good For You.” 

So the energy of this nahual makes “Dawn Go Away I’m No Good For You” a good time to accept responsibility for the break-up with your true love instead of telling your friends it was her fault. (All you had to do was keep your big mouth shut when she saw “giant starships” in the Youtube video—instead of telling her over and over and over that you saw nothing but fuzzy images.)

Cauac: The Nahual Called Storm

The original Mayan Calendar Cauac's meaning was Storm, a day of powerful feminine energy. But the Funny Mayan Calendar says it means“Stormin’ Norman,” a day of powerful masculine energy because the Mojitos renamed this nahual after General Norman Norman Schwartzkopf.

This makes the energy of Stormin’ Norman best-suited for invading a small foreign country on the pretext of looking for weapons of mass destruction when your true goal is to assassinate the nation’s leader, loot the oil reserves and banks, declare “Mission Accomplished” and leave the country in ruins a few years later

Ahau: The Nahual Called Sun

Ahau means Sun according to the ancient Mayan Calendar. But the Funny Mayan Calendar calls this nahual "Sunny Side Up.”

Sunny Side Up is a good day to wake up with a big smile, have breakfast in bed and let your love light shine. And lighten up, dude!

 

 

Mayan Astrology: The Mayan Calendar User's Guide